PRECIOUS LORD TAKE MY FAMILYS’ HANDS

PLEASE . . .THIS IS FOR EVERYONE THAT DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR HOW TO SAY IT TO SHEL AND JAMES…………
PLEASE PRAY FOR STRENGTH FOR THE COMING DAYS AND MONTHS

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

* Know that I need your support. I may not ask for help (I may be much too numb), but I need to know you’re there.

* Know that I do not expect you to make me feel better or to take away my pain. Right now no one can. I need your support, your acceptance of my need to grieve, and your willingness to live with the helplessness you’ll feel.

* If you haven’t called because you cannot handle my grief and your helplessness, say so. I can truly understand that and I’ll feel better than I would if you used excuses that made me think you didn’t care.

* Try to tolerate my anger if you can. It’s not really you or others who anger me; it’s that I lost what I loved. Please forgive my “unreasonable” outbursts. I hope you’ll understand.

* Don’t try to stop my tears. My tears may be hard on you, but they are a healthy way for me to release some of my pain. Crying is good for me; please try to sit with me and let me cry.

* Don’t try to cheer me up by comparing “worse” losses. Pain is pain, and mine must be acknowledged.

* Understand if I can’t bear to be with your new baby or to attend a baby shower. I do wish you joy and I even feel gladness for you, but my grief cannot be suppressed.

* Don’t tell me that what happened must have been “God’s will.” Hearing that brings me no consolation right now and only adds to the spiritual confusion and isolation I feel.

* Accept me in my grief and I’ll always remember the healing love that you offered me.

* Please don’t tell me that I’ll be ‘wiser’ next time – that implies that what happened this time was my fault, or that I was irresponsible, when in reality I did everything within my power to have a healthy child; I wanted it with my whole soul, and any implication that I didn’t hurts so very much.

* Don’t remind me how lucky I am to have other children or that I can try soon to have another. There is not, nor will there be, a replacement for this child.

* Don’t say, “It was better this way.”

* Don’t say, “I know how you feel.” No one knows that. Please ask instead how I am today, how I feel.

* Offer specific help . . . a meal, a laundry done, a free hour. I’m too deeply hurt to think very far ahead.

* Don’t tell me to put this behind me, forget and get on with my life. This is my life. I need to grieve. I need to be me and I need not to forget but to find a way to remember in peace.

* Hold me, touch me, tell me that you care, bear with me through this uncharted territory that is my grief.